Public transit...

Being as I am a giant loser who has no prospects for the foreseeable future, yes, I ride public transit. Now I have been riding the appropriately named "Loser Cruiser" for many years now and the following is a small list of the things that really, really piss me right off when on the bus or Skytrain.

1.Too much information syndrome:
People just don't seem to care what they say on public transit and they just blurt out anything and go along like nothing is wrong with what they are saying. In the course of six minutes at the most, I shouldn't know how you: "totally want to get some roids and bulk up", how you smashed a cake on a tree when you were drunk, how your friend likes to bake cakes when she's drunk and manages to not smash them and how her dad totally loves those Snuggie things and how she got two of them for his birthday.

I was recently reminded of an incident that made me think of all this in the first place. While riding on the Skytrain, my friends and I should not be made aware of how your mom got piles during her pregnancy with you and what's even worse is the pile suffering mother herself told everyone on the Skytrain this fact!

2.Various sexual acts:
Now you might wonder how I would put this aggravation as less irritating than people running their yaps and here's why, it's a great story to tell of course. I one time saw late 40's to early 50's woman in a black tied off no sleeve work shirt and jean shorts basically molesting a not all there Asian man of about the same age who was dressed like Urkel with a bowler hat on the bench at the bus stop.

The bus driver said to them, " Are you getting on the bus or not?" and no kidding the woman said, "No, but we'll be getting off!"and began laughing hysterically and kissing the Asian gentleman while he just fidgeted and smiled uncomfortably. He looked as if he was going along with it but at the same time he had an air of nervousness about him that indicated he didn't seem know how to deal with what was going on. Nothing like seeing two people you wouldn't want to see holding hands let alone start to have sex in public!

3.Listening to music:
Hey asshole, I don't care if you like hip hop, but do you have to crank it so those of us that aren't forcing our shitty music taste on everyone are forced to hear the hi hats tss tss tss tss'ing the whole bus ride? Even worse is when people aren't singing along out loud to their music but rather they are mouthing the words and getting right into it. I mean I love music but I am not going to pseudo rap along silently and do borderline choreographed hand movements and gestures!

4.Gadget hypnosis:
Most people get hypnotized by whatever their latest gadget is and they seem to have to go out of their way to go, "hey look at me, I have an iPad/iPod/smartphone, I am cool and I need to show you that I am part of the cool part of society." Guess what nerd, any chump can get these products you wiener, that's why you have one. The problem is that people seem to think it matters to have the latest trendy thing that is being pushed on us. It's such an epidemic that I have seen people get white headphones just to make it look like they have an iPod.

5.Perfume/Axe overdose:
How can you seriously get up in the morning and go, "Yeah, I should probably empty the entire contents of this perfume/Axe body spray on myself. That is a good idea." You do not smell good sir or madam. You smell like you were in the perfume or cologne aisle and it blew up and you thought this overbearing scent from hell is for me. I can't stand it when the scent lingers like a potpourri skunk or all the Tapout shirts in Surrey all piled up on the bus.

These are just some of things that are the fun to deal with on the bus or Skytrain, don't get me started on the service...

That will be in part 2...