Motion pictures these days...I tells ya...

And so it begins...

So as expected, the new Sex and the City movie was a box office smash much to the collective chagrin of every man in the entire western hemisphere who doesn't like bone dudes. Being as it was its big release this week, there were many articles about the movie and the hype surrounding it. One article I happened to read was posing the question do critics even matter anymore?

The short answer: No.

They clearly do not because people seem to not care at all about what the critics have to say. Even though SATC2 is one of the most critically panned films of the year so far, it still did very well at the box office (although not as well as predicted) but the reason why it did well is very simple.

Hollywood execs realize that it's not worth it for them to make original movies that have a chance to fail. The going public seems to only go to movies that they already have an interest in (like SATC which has a big built in audience) or rehashing things that people are already familiar with (such as any of the numerous superhero movies and remakes being churned out, more on that later...)

It's easy money and the execs know it. All you have to do is look at what the the other two big movies of the weekend were: Shrek 4 and the adaptation of popular video game franchise, Prince of Persia. Well golly gee, what do we have here? The already very established Shrek series and an adaptation of a very popular video game.

People love familiarity and I think the movie studios seem to think this too. I mean look at all the romantic comedies that are released ever year! They're almost all the same goddamn awful movie with just the names and location changed. If you really want to get sick, look at any "rom-com" that has Katherine Heigl in it and you are guaranteed to see some of the most brain numbingly predictable story arcs ever put on film. Julia Roberts made basically the same asinine movie for most of the 1990's and people keep going back to the theater to intake this sewage.

To really prove that the studio execs think people only want to see adaptations of stuff they already like or know, here is a list I have compiled of just some the remakes, "big screen adaptions", and superhero movies that are in the works:

Films based on comic books:
Green Lantern
Captain America
Jonah Hex
The Flash
Thor
Wonder Woman
S.H.E.I.L.D. (Nick Fury AKA Samuel L. Jackson for you non nerds)
Judge Dredd (reboot)
Spider-Man (gritty series dark reboot)
Luke Cage
Batman 3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (gritty series reboot as well apparently)
Daredevil (reboot)

Remakes of Film and Television:
Logan's Run (totally necessary)
Fire and Ice (wow...)
Fantastic Voyage (no ,not this song)
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Mother's Day (! Come on! Really? This is almost as bad as the remakes of The Crazies, Last House on the Left, My Bloody Valentine etc.)
Fright Night ( again, really?)
Commando (sacrilege in my opinion!)
Escape From New York (unbelievable)
Arthur (the Dudley Moore film of course, not this Arthur )
The Toxic Avenger ( a family friendly reboot!)
The Thing PREQUEL
Red Sonja (of course I know Red Sonja was first in Robert E. Howard books)
Private Benjamin (Anna Faris to replace Goldie Hawn...)
Planet of the Apes PREQUEL
Tim Burton adaptation of The Addams Family (animated)
Pet Cemetery
Excalibur
Return of the Dragon (some how they are remaking a Bruce Lee movie with Jack Black in the cast)
Robocop (I wouldn't buy that for a dollar)
Dune
The A-Team
True Grit (directed by the Coen Brothers!)


And now maybe the most ridiculous category
MOVIES BASED ON TOYS AND BOARDGAMES:
Candyland (puke)
Monopoly (Seriously, the main character gets sucked into Monopoly by a magic Chance Card)
Oujia the Movie
Stretch Armstrong
Battleship

What's next? Moon Shoes THE MOVIE!? JENGA THE MOVIE? WHEN WILL IT FUCKING END?


I could see it now:

Narrator: In a world that could fall apart at any moment...

One man dared to build his dream...

BIG TITLE SPLASHES ONTO THE SCREEN

JENGA: THE MOVIE

Starring Shia LaBoeuf as Todd Jenga, the man who didn't care if his whole world came tumbling down...

This is what movies have become... a bunch of hastily made rehashes of anything the execs think of or formulaic shit movies because at the end of the day lets face it, it's called the movie business. While it's nothing new (of course there have been plenty of remakes over the years that I have enjoyed) there seems to be something lacking in the films made recently. They lack genuineness, really, it seems more obvious than ever that the movie companies mostly are making these films as cash grabs. I mean you can't avoid merchandise tie ins and whatnot but half these movies are giant toy commercials under the guise of movies. I tend to believe the other side of this is that it's also easy. All the characters of a comic book movie are already made for you, the story is already there. The same thing applies for big screen adaptations of television shows. Everything is already done, the audience is already there, and so will be the piles of money that the movie going public will undoubtedly fork over. It's no surprise that like most things in life, it all comes back to money I guess. Big fat money...


One thing I am sure of is that people will always complain about this though, I know I will every time something I like is massacred because some assholes in Hollywood can't be bothered to think.

You know what, as of right now, I just figured it all out! The Hollywood types suffer from the same thing most of the public does! A.D.D. It all makes sense now, they all want to not think, have instant gratification and go, "HEY! I remember that show/movie/toy/board game/comic book/cartoon/video game! I don't have to invest anymore thought into this than I already have!"

Think about it...people don't listen to entire albums anymore, they only have the patience for one or two songs they are told to listen to. The most popular website in the world is Youtube and what is that? A series of short clips of random stuff that you can totally A.D.D. right on out!
Everything is modeled to suit the A.D.D. addled brain! Think about this for a second, what is Twitter? It's basically a whole website that is just Facebook's status update feature!

It just all makes too much sense, just like this video...

Welcome...

Welcome to The Whole World is Work...

I have decided to enter into the ego centric world of blogging because you need to know my thoughts, I am just that cool. Suave even. Anyways, the title of this blog came from a favorite radio personality of mine, Bubba the Love Sponge. He was ranting about something and everyone on his crew, along with himself, came to the realization that the whole world is a work. What is a work you ask? It is a term from professional wrestling jargon:

Work. (n) 1. A rationalized lie. 2. Predetermined outcome. (v) To lie, deceive, or mislead someone.

Now this blog is not about wrestling at all but 'work' is the perfect way to describe how this so called world we live in operates. My blog will mainly focus on various things that basically make me flip out on a regular basis. Many times over the course if the day I see things that piss me sideways to Tuesday and I have finally decided to share my rambling, self absorbed, almost always obscenity laced thoughts and theories on this here interwebs deal, AKA the series of tubes.

It will also be filled with various strange things that amuse me because, well, I can do whatever I want, this is MY BLOG!!!

Be prepared, this will be an exercise in long winded pseudo-intellectualism and various cartoon references...